Empowering life with negative emotions
It's very trendy to think positively…
Ironically, there haven't been more unhappy people around since this has become the new hype. Since people have watched the movie called the "Secret" and started living life based on forced positive thinking. It's a big mess.
Do you perceive your wishes should come true?
If they don’t, do you tend to think that wishing for something is stupid, because wishes don’t come true?
Are you fed up with hearing this: “time will heal” – when you feel revenge, sorrow, anger or fear?
Are your friends telling you – “let it go” – just when you are pouring your heart out? Does that make you feel baffled? Do you think you are the only one who doesn’t know how you’re supposed to let go?
You want to believe that in the end “everything will be ok”, but you haven’t got the slightest clue, how on earth or when that big fat OK is around the corner?
This smells like forced positive thinking to me…and there is a high price to pay for that.
What positive thinking offers is a temporary relief, which may prevent us from hitting rock bottom, but it may not solve the problem. Unconditional appreciation of the event may allow us to hit rock bottom, force us to get real and solve the problem.
We are so obsessed with right and wrong, good and bad that it prevents us from contemplating what the reality actually is.
What do we mean by this?
First thing we should do is to spot our own fantasies by taking our heads out of the sand and start getting real about our life and our environment.
Everything that is happening to us now is trying to teach us something.
Every time we think that an event shouldn’t have happened to us or that it should have happened in a different way, we are nursing a fantasy and we are distancing ourselves from reality and from the lesson this event is trying to teach us.
And you know, life is just so generous…it gives us the same lesson over and over and over again, until we had enough and we find resolution.
Even so, some people will never learn…Are you one of them?
Do you spot a behavior pattern in some aspect of your life?
Have you experienced the same type of relationship drama, only with different characters? Same work related issues, same family problems over and over again? Money problems no matter what you do?
If you are ready to step out from victimhood and step into resolution mode, we can examine that event you perceive should have happened in a different way. Let’s get you in a place where you are grateful that actually happened to you exactly the way it did.
What if I told you that rape victims managed to love the scene in which the rape actually happened? Can you imagine?!
I have to be frank, I couldn’t, when I first heard about this case and it actually pissed me off so bad, I got nauseous and then outraged about the whole story…
But stay with me...
The resentment and the guilt we generate for not fulfilling our fantasy is what’s causing us damage.
The negative spectrum of emotions is there to remind us, that we are not being genuine and authentic according to our emotional values.
What causes anxiety, stress and depression is only the perception that these negative emotions should not be there.
We create a fantasy of how it should be, instead of seeing the reality and how this is serving us.
When we start to compare to a fantasy, we always lose.
Every time you are afraid of something (how many times a day?), ask yourself this question:
“What is fear trying to make me do, which I wouldn’t do, if the fear wasn’t there?”
Blocking the fear with forced positive thinking may give us temporarily relief or motivation, but it doesn’t let us appreciate the way fear is serving us.
Positive change can take place in our lives when we had enough, when we surrender, when we take our heads out of the sand and face our own reality.
I know you must have said many times that you had enough, but you don’t have to wait for the breakdown.
You can have a breakthrough without a breakdown…
We can get out of our own way and you step into the “let me get real about myself” mode.
But if we want to be authentic, we first have to be vulnerable.
If we keep turning our heads away from negative emotions, pretending that everything is ok, that doesn't make it go away, and it will influence our behavior subconsciously.
Just to bring up one of the most common example: if we have unsolved family issues and we move away, or stop talking to them, or we resent them, the pain, the fury and the fear that is accumulated around that event in our life, will find another way to break through if it’s not dealt with properly. Mostly it will show up in our romantic relationships. Everything we sweep under the carpet will come out somewhere else, and without knowing, we are sabotaging our own lives.
What a pity.
Look, there are no perfect lives. It's an illusion. There is some kind of issue everywhere. I like to joke with my friends by saying that I have more issues than a Vogue magazine… People might not post about it on social media, but it still exists and this illusion is viciously controlling our thoughts, creates behavior and ultimately drives action.
Our actions define our character.
Our character is who we are.
We can have all the good stuff in life every single day, but the only thing stopping us from enjoying it, is the fact that we don’t know how to deal with the things we perceive as problems.
What do you want to see more of in your life?
Get in touch!