ABOUT GETTING REAL
Have you ever felt furious when someone was trying to help you by telling you: "calm down", "don't be angry" ?
Have you ever tried meditation, and then still felt like smacking people in the face right after it was over? :)
Did you ever feel like screaming when you are desperate and your loved ones are telling you that "time will heal" and they advise you to "let it go" ... not to mention then supposedly comforting "everything is going to be ok"?
Have you ever wondered why this doesn't really work?
The pain we feel is directly proportional to the distance from reality to your expectations.
The pain is trying to show you something you don't want to see: the fantasy bubble you are creating around your head wants to burst.
But the fantasy bubble doesn't always burst. Sometimes you just live your whole life like that. It happens...
You will know that the bubble wants to burst when your pain is becoming unbearable and it forces you to do something you wouldn't do if the pain wasn't there.
Have you ever actually felt a sensation of relief after you were confronted with the truth you've been trying to deny?
Be honest with yourself...
We have that sensation when we wake up from our delusions about a certain event, person or a thing. Because instinctively we know that finally, we see clearly.
So again: the pain we feel about a person, an event, ourselves, a thing - you name it - is directly proportional to the distance from reality to our expectations.
We've been feeding ourselves a story based on our emotional values and that kept us busy from seeing what actually is in front of us.
How to empower ourselves with the pain we feel?
First of all know this:
the reward we get from getting real is just as big as the pain we feel at that moment.
The pain is serving us.
If we try to get rid of it, ignore it or block it with forced positive thinking, we might feel temporary relief and even motivation, but on the long term, we're fucked.
Because anything we repress, it will come out eventually, in the worse possible manner, in the wrong place and at the wrong time.
So just enjoy it when it hits you! :)
It's here to stay until we stop fighting it, so just feel it, let it kill you a little bit, it's never as bad as we think.
The fear of fear is always bigger than the fear itself and I hope you know that already from experience.
Every time we try to compete with a fantasy (like the expectations we build up in our head: this is how it should be, otherwise it's bad) we lose.
Forced positive thinking or drugs can provide some temporary relief, but you know...it won't last long and there we go back doing the same mistake again. But that's also ok. Sometimes we like to learn the hard way. We don't make the same mistake twice, we make it five or six times, just to be sure.
The minute we start contemplating on both sides of the spectrum (the positive aspects and the negative aspects) we see what that pain is trying to teach us. And we need to do that from an observatory perspective, assuming that in the situation every person has their own fears and expectations just like us, and that they are perceiving everything based on their own "filter" created by their current emotional values.
We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
However, if we look at things from an observatory perspective, we might end up crying tears of joy when we realize that the things we love the most about ourselves, and the things that serve us the most in life have actually ALL been created in painful situations.
I believe that there is nothing more liberating that being real about ourselves and about our environment. Why? Because we have the freedom to chose who we want to be and what type of life we want to live. We put an end to victimhood and we take over.
Welcome to the real world, kiddo! :) It is what you make of it.